


Lucky

by aliasinvestigations



Category: Jessica Jones (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-22 20:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13174482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliasinvestigations/pseuds/aliasinvestigations
Summary: Forgetting is a coping mechanism. All it takes is one word for Jessica to remember a time with Kilgrave she thought her mind had erased.





	Lucky

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration struck after re watching Jessica Jones and a conversation between Jessica and Hope made me want to explore Killgrave's selfishness and why his command for Jessica to "take care of" Reva was interpreted by Jessica to mean kill instead of maim Reva.

Jessica always resented the word “lucky”. It was used to describe her surviving the car crash that killed her family- little old ladies would squeeze her cheeks and tell her she was a miracle, that God had spared her life for some “higher purpose”. Growing up, Trish’s mom would use the word against her any time Jessica acted ungrateful. She’d point her perfectly manicured finger at Jessica and say:  
“Don’t you know how lucky you are that I took you in?”  
Even when the word wasn’t used in reference to her, it still made her grimace. Jessica didn’t believe in luck, you either had a good life or you didn’t. And she didn’t. But she dealt with the shit she’d been given and kept her head down. Until she crossed paths with Hope Schlottman.  
Jessica is meeting with Hope in the visitor’s room of a grimy jail, trying to find out why the hell Hope had paid a bunch of inmates to beat her up in the middle of the night. Hope looks up from the table, anger brewing in her eyes.  
“I’m pregnant” she says  
Jessica’s hands start trembling. Here she is walking around as a rough-and-tough private investigator who didn’t care about anyone or anything, but she feels the overwhelming need to protect Hope, this young, vulnerable girl whose life was destroyed and discarded by the devil himself. Hope reaches a handcuffed wrist up to her face to wipe a tear away.  
“I only spent three months with him- you were with him for what- a year?” she asks through gritted teeth “How’d you get so lucky?”  
There’s that word again. Jessica’s hands curls into fists. If this were anyone else she’d have knocked them out cold.  
“Listen,” she says reassuringly “I’ll talk to Hogarth and we’ll figure this out, okay?”  
Hope stares vacantly back at her, like she has no faith in Jessica keeping her word. It wouldn’t be the first time. Jessica leaves the jail for home as fast as she can, dialing Hogarth in the process. After getting Hogarth’s voicemail three times in a row Jessica gives up and shoves her phone back into her pocket. The air leaves her lungs and her chest tightens. The cold city air stings her throat as she mutters the street names under her breath.  
“Birch street. Cobalt lane. Higgins drive.”  
She can’t have another breakdown like she did on the subway a few weeks ago. She needs to stay strong for Hope, for herself. Jessica keeps her composure until she reaches her apartment and collapses into her desk chair. She buries her face in her hands and tries to steady her breathing. All it took was Hope saying that one fucking word for a memory of Jessica’s time with Kilgrave to overwhelm her senses. She had tried so hard to forget but dammit it was so clear in her mind. 

~~~~~~

She had only been under Kilgrave’s control for a few weeks. Jessica knew this because when Kilgrave brushed her hair from neck and commanded her to “wake up” she felt shockwaves of pain. Cramps. He told her to get dressed but as she threw the sheets off she saw a red stain. She couldn’t stop to cover it up, she had to get dressed like he told her to. Her feet were walking her to the closet. “I-I can’t.”  
“You can’t what?” he snapped.  
“I got my period.” She replied meekly. The hair on the back of her neck rose in apprehension.  
He wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Shower and get dressed, breakfast will be here soon.”  
Jessica washed herself in scalding water, focusing on the burning sensation instead of all the ways Kilgrave was going to punish her. When she stepped out she saw a box of tampons next to the sink. He must have made one of the hotel workers go get it. The bathroom door was open too. Shit. She forgot to leave it open when she first went in to shower. Kilgrave didn’t like closed doors. It was another way to control her, a reminder that privacy no longer existed.  
When she joined him at the table he didn’t look at her, just kept reading the newspaper like she wasn’t there. She used a shaky hand to grab a fork but couldn’t even steady herself long enough to stab a stupid strawberry with it. Kilgrave cleared his throat. She inhaled sharply, preparing for the worst.  
“Jessica, I don’t want to have to see or hear about this problem again. Understand?”  
“I understand.” She replied dryly. He wouldn’t even say the word ‘period.’ What a prick.  
He avoided touching her for the rest of the week, instead he made her pleasure him with her hands and mouth. She’d happily endure years of bleeding and cramps if it meant he’d never lay a hand on her again. That wasn’t reality though, in a week she’d go back to being his personal sex slave.  
Months passed. Jessica’s sense of reality became hazy, her wish for escape distant, lost in a fog of fancy dinners, and long nights in five-star hotels.  
They were eating lunch on the patio of some little café. Jessica was feeling so physically ill from Kilgrave’s antics that she had no desire to eat the smelly French dish in front of her. He’d commanded the waitstaff to serve them the three-course meal on the house. It wasn’t the first time he’d done this at a restaurant but each already underpaid worker he took advantage of made Jessica sicker.  
She’s trying to eavesdrop on the conversations happening at other tables. Not because she cared what they were talking about but hearing about so-and-so’s school fundraiser and someone’s relatives coming to visit, was a comforting escape. She was picking at her nails, imagining she was planning a bake sale like the two rich suburban moms sitting behind her. Her lap was covered in fingernail bits, little crescent moons contrasting against her frilly burgundy dress.  
A cheery voice interrupts the daydream.  
“Congratulations!” a woman says.  
Jessica jerks her head up from her lap and stares at the stranger, her brow furrows in confusion.  
The stranger speaks again, “You’re such a lovely looking couple, you’ll make wonderful parents!”  
Her heart starts pounding in her throat. Kilgrave looks at Jessica and grins like the way a starved lion looks at an injured zebra. She impulsively raises to her hands to her stomach and feels the slightest bump.  
“Oh I’m sorry did I ruin the surprise?” the woman chuckles to herself “I have a knack for that sort of thing!”  
And just like that the woman is gone and Kilgrave is grabbing her by her wrist and leading her down the street. How could she be so fucking stupid? The nausea, the dizziness- she lost track of her last period, the past few months had been so obscured. It all added up. Then they’re walking up the steps to the hotel and Jessica knows this is the final nail in the coffin. He’ll use the baby to make sure she never leaves, use it as bait to dangle over her. When they reach their room, he flings the door open and shoves her inside.  
He’s pacing back and forth, the veins in his neck are bulging.  
“Did you think you could keep this a secret Jessica? Tell me the truth!”  
“I didn’t know I swear-” she begs  
He lets out a hollow laugh. “I believe you.”  
He walks over and holds her face in his hands. “Really. I do.”  
“Now, take care of it.” She stares at him with guarded eyes.  
“Oh come on, you’re strong aren’t you?” he asks mockingly “Punch yourself till it’s gone and then do it some more for good measure.”  
He removes his hands from her tear-streaked cheeks and crosses his arms.  
She takes the first punch and bites her lip, unwilling to show how much it hurts. He watches her do it a few more times, yawns, meanders over to the couch and slumps down.  
“You know you ruined a perfectly good meal?” He flips on a sports game and turns the volume up.  
The splitting pain consumes her whole body. Her legs give out. She doesn’t have the strength to stand anymore.  
“Please-” she begs through her sobs.  
“Keep it down” he barks.  
She’s keeled over on the floor. Each hit knocks the wind out of her lungs. Her cries turn into quiet hiccups. The blood is running down her legs and pooling on the floor, turning the carpet black. There’s something heavy in her underwear.  
She pees blood for the next week.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and please leave comments or suggestions! I've been sitting on this story for a while and just decided to publish it instead of messing around with grammatical/format errors and tense changes. I thought it was odd in the show how both Jessica and Killgrave had blank expressions in response to finding out Hope was pregnant with Killgrave's baby. In the comics Killgrave has multiple children and they all have at least some of his powers, so he was able to create an 'army' and take over more than when he was working solo. At first I thought he would want to have a baby with Jessica because it would share both of their abilities and that way he would always have a connection to Jessica but the more I thought about it I realized TV Killgrave was too self-centered to focus on anything but himself and his obession with Jessica- he wouldn't want anything or anyone else to get in the way of that. I did write a little bit dealing with the direct aftermath of this story that I might publish once I polish it up.


End file.
